A Black Girl's Guide: All Grown Up

When I first started ‘Black Girl’s Guide to Grad School’, I was a newly minted Ph.D. Grad who was scarred. I had this odd feeling 4 years ago where I kept replaying some of my graduate school experiences, especially the ones that really broke me. It’s almost like I didn’t know how to look forward. I spun around in my living room for a hot minute not knowing what to do with these emotions. I wasn’t ready to confront how the Ph.D. journey had made me feel but I also couldn’t be quite silent. So instead, I read. I read your essays, your personal statements, and your proposals. I wanted to make sure that my feelings would be the last by ensuring I could help as many Black women as possible get into graduate school. Being a trailblazer was tough and being the only one was even tougher. Not knowing where to turn, who to ask, or where to seek understanding, at times I felt lost. Even after I graduated, I felt a bit lost. I felt without purpose and the only place I didn’t feel that way was when I was helping others, especially my community. So, I read and read then one day I started writing. I would write blog pieces about my experience. Sometimes I would write a blog piece and I would need a while before I even thought about another one because thinking about the content forced me to confront my feelings. I didn’t want to short-change pushing me to really think about some of the moments I had to make helpful pieces. I continued to do this for years, until 2020.

In 2020, I finally put what seemed like a silly dream on hold and pulled all the collections of my reflections from my time in graduate school in a book: ‘Hooded: A Black Girl’s Guide to the Ph.D.’. I started to realize the blog wasn’t doing anyone justice because it only told a piece of the story, the cliff notes version of my reality. I told myself at this rate it would take me years before I shared all my experiences. Instead, I laid it all out on the table and tried to recount each of my years as detailed as possible, hoping it could provide any of the elements and rawness Black Girls Guide to Grad School blog left out. When I published it, I didn’t expect many things. I didn’t expect that so many people would resonate with the book. I also didn’t expect that I would feel so light. What do I even mean by that? It’s almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulder like I had forgiven the past and now had the closure I didn’t know I needed from graduate school. I didn’t feel this stiffness and tightness anymore when someone mentioned my school or asked me about my experience. I was ready to look behind me so that I could start moving forward. Let me tell you, it was not easy. Having to relive some of those experiences really brought me close to being broken again and some of them still make my eyes well up but more in thankfulness to God because I really made it through.

My only regret is that I didn’t pen this book sooner but I was afraid to share my story because I didn’t think it was important and at the time, I cared too much about what other people would think. But my experiences are just that- my experiences and I am the only person who could speak to that. Plus, nobody can tell you how to feel. This book has also brought a sense of reconciliation with the past and also my alma-mater; something I didn’t realize I needed. I finally returned to the department I graduated from almost 5 years later, and it felt good to talk to some of the professors about my experiences. It felt even better to hear the strides they were taking and the effort the department was making. To see my book on their desk and have them acknowledge and ask my insight was much more than I envisioned when I wrote Hooded.

All that to say, I think Hooded was the chapter I needed to move to the next phase. I feel as if I have shared almost, if not every detail about my Ph.D. experience and now I don’t think Black Girl’s Guide to Grad School really needs much more. It’s a bittersweet feeling because sharing my graduate school experiences has been my base for the past few years but it also feels good that these experiences are now all in one place and we can welcome experiences from other amazing Black women. Compared to when I started, there are now so many resources online that I know not writing about my graduate school experience isn’t going to leave a gap. I also think it’s time for me to share new experiences about the next phase of my life: my early career experience in the industry.

Over 150 essay reviews, 4 years and a book later, I am ready. I have no regrets about the past 4 years. I thank you for reading my blog and rocking with me all this time. If you have been here from the beginning then you have seen the growth! From an occasional blogger to an essay review expert to a speaker and now a best-selling author. I am excited to see what the future holds and to share different kinds of stories with you. You will still hear from the girl you have come to enjoy reading from but now you will be reading about her experiences as a woman on the career path.

It’s been my pleasure.

I now present to you, A Black Girl’s Guide: All Grown Up.